Dear Enthusiastic Shoe Shoppers,
I’m lecturing you on your shopping behavior, and you better take out notepad or something because I’m touching on some crucial tips here. I understand your need to keep in touch with the new shoe fads, given all these back-to-school and summer clean-out sales, but before you go clawing your way over to a Nike shoe rack, Nordstrom Rack, or any other shoe outlet, please keep in these points in mind.
1) Be more mindful of the sales associate who is helping you.
We are real, living, breathing humans that speak your language. Ask nicely, and you shall receive. You are not entitled to anything, because we’re just here to help. Not serve. There’s a difference. Don’t expect us to magic different shoe styles out of thin air just because you saw it online. It doesn’t mean we carry the item in-store(as much as we would like to, believe me). And no, we don’t hide stuff from you “in the back”.
2) Please don’t be a hurricane.
We have to put all the shoes back, in correct numerical(size, style or alphabetical) order, and touch the shoe where thousands of smelly feet have been. So could you at least put it back? Or if you can’t, give it to the front, so that we may re-order it for future customers. Don’t just leave the shoes there in the middle of the floor like dwarfs will come to magic them back onto the shelves. It’s rude, and people will trip on them.
3) If the shoe is too tight, get a size up, even if it’s “not normal”.
“But I’m always a size 8.5.”, you say “and any shoe bigger will make my feet look big”. No one is judging you for how wide or bulgy your feet are, ok? We just want you to have a comfortable shoe that you’ll be happy with. A lot of shoppers are surprisingly un-flexible. If you really love the shoe, try it on in a slightly different size and you may be pleasantly surprised.
4) If you don’t like the brand, then don’t buy it.
This sounds like a no-brainer, but there are some people who just love to nit-pick. “I don’t like big C’s on these Coach shoes” or “I don’t like the Puma on these Puma shoes, otherwise, they’re perfect!” Oh. My. God. Then don’t buy it! No one is forcing you to buy it. Go shop elsewhere if you want a “brand-less” shoe.
5) Please be decisive.
I know being decisive can be hard when you have so many options to choose from, but when you ask for a style, make sure you know what you want. Don’t change your mind when I come back with an armful of shoes and be like, “I’ve decided I didn’t want those anymore”, make a huge mess choosing other styles, and then purchase a completely unrelated pair. Can you say indecisive A-hole?
6) Please don’t skimp.
A wise man once told me that you should never skimp on anything that separates you from the ground, and let’s face it, good shoes do not come cheap. I understand you’re trying to get a good deal to save a buck or two, but don’t pick the more uncomfortable(prettier or uglier)pair “because it was cheap”. If you’re going to get blisters from it, then it’s not worth your money. You’ll live a longer life if you don’t stress your feet out with pinch-y shoes.
7) Please keep your children on a leash.
The mall is not a playground, and not everyone likes children as much as you think they do. If you want some mommy shoe-time or daddy shoe-time, leave the kid out of it. It’s not cute when the kid is running around the store, crying tears of boredom, and doesn’t want to try on the shoes you gave him. A dog can behave better than your child, are you embarrassed yet?
Anyway, feel free to try stuff on, please be nice to the staff, and try not to make a mess if you can help it.
S/he who has worked in shoe retail and has to deal with this shit.